First time you're getting Topaz in living colour!
I wish I could show you all the rest of the costume! Gold body paint and all....
Check out Osbasso to see who else is playing.
Weekend Events
2 hours ago
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thank You, Dear Blogger Friends
I know I thanked you in the comments, but I wanted to do it in a post. It did wonders for me. So THANK YOU!
It's hard with a sick child - who surely takes priority over a piddly birthday. I insisted he be with her (she wanted to be with him instead of with her mother, where she usually is on a Monday night), and he knew it was hard for me. Before anyone scolds me for being selfish, I knew what the 'right' thing to do was, and I supported him. But it doesn't change the emotions behind it, and it doesn't change the difficulty in catering to the situation. Yes, I accepted this all with 'I do' - but this is the one place I can emote - and emote do I ever! LOL.
Some people are judgmental and take a 'put up and shut up' stance. And then there are you all, who realize that sometimes, all I need is a virtual hug to make up for all that is lacking in reality in those difficult moments.
So again, a big THANK YOU!
It's hard with a sick child - who surely takes priority over a piddly birthday. I insisted he be with her (she wanted to be with him instead of with her mother, where she usually is on a Monday night), and he knew it was hard for me. Before anyone scolds me for being selfish, I knew what the 'right' thing to do was, and I supported him. But it doesn't change the emotions behind it, and it doesn't change the difficulty in catering to the situation. Yes, I accepted this all with 'I do' - but this is the one place I can emote - and emote do I ever! LOL.
Some people are judgmental and take a 'put up and shut up' stance. And then there are you all, who realize that sometimes, all I need is a virtual hug to make up for all that is lacking in reality in those difficult moments.
So again, a big THANK YOU!
Monday, October 26, 2009
I'm sure it will be a happy birthday
I guess I'm just a little lonely.
I'm used to friends calling up, going to a bar or a lounge, just hanging out. Or people stopping by my parent's house to say hello. I'm used to the phone ringing off the hook. Messages in my inbox. But it's quiet here. It's my first birthday as a married woman. H had to go to his mother's tonight, so it's also the first birthday I'm alone.
I'm not really that needy. I don't really need all that attention, I do like to be with the one I love. Granted, it's tomorrow that's my birthday - not today. I'll be going to my mother's for a wonderful dinner with my family. And H will join us then.
DL called today. He wanted to see me on Sunday (yesterday), but I told him I was busy. Only today did he say it was for my birthday. He just wanted to be with me. Well, that, and watch the Yankees :)
Doing the 'right' thing is never easy, is it? Especially when the wrong thing is filled with so much love.
I'm used to friends calling up, going to a bar or a lounge, just hanging out. Or people stopping by my parent's house to say hello. I'm used to the phone ringing off the hook. Messages in my inbox. But it's quiet here. It's my first birthday as a married woman. H had to go to his mother's tonight, so it's also the first birthday I'm alone.
I'm not really that needy. I don't really need all that attention, I do like to be with the one I love. Granted, it's tomorrow that's my birthday - not today. I'll be going to my mother's for a wonderful dinner with my family. And H will join us then.
DL called today. He wanted to see me on Sunday (yesterday), but I told him I was busy. Only today did he say it was for my birthday. He just wanted to be with me. Well, that, and watch the Yankees :)
Doing the 'right' thing is never easy, is it? Especially when the wrong thing is filled with so much love.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Men Are Like Underwire...
- oh so necessary
- provide wonderful support
- work magic on your breasts
- can destroy a great bra when roughed up
- can't be wrangled back into doing the one useful thing we loved them for in the first place
- unruly when free
- we're guaranteed to find a new one with a little lingerie shopping
__________________________________
The thought was inspired by The Duchess's HNT RIP tribute to her much loved bra.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
My Girls
I have six girls whose hands I would hold if they had to be dragged through the pits of hell. They all stood up for me at my wedding. Six of them. I love them to pieces. As I said at my wedding, I love them fiercely. I'm protective of the ones I love. Nobody fucks with them and gets away with it.
I thought they would all feel the same for me. They would in most cases. They are direct, no bullshit, strong willed, aggressive women. None of them hide behind men. My entire bridal party was smokin, looks and attitude, drank the groomsmen under the table, and they really looked after the bride, making sure my look was on point and the shots kept coming to the head table.
Of these girls, my sister in law is the most innocent, which is still pretty wild in some circles. She knows how to catch a man's head, has done it, and she knows how to put her foot down when they get unruly. As she is (soon to be) married to H's brother, the most we've shared is that, yes, there are men who have tried to take us away from the 'brothers', but, without success. But that lines opens so many dark corridors if we admit to more, so we keep the information at that. But we know where those stories 'could' lead, don't we?
The next in line is my paternal cousin. Again, slender, gorgeous, and affably dubbed 'the rideout whore', from the one club night where she was making out with a different guy every time we saw her. She's sucked face and thrown panties with tons of guys (some of them quite hot, I admit), but can you believe, she's only ever had one boyfriend, and he's the only guy she's ever slept with.
I know little about my sister's love life, and frankly, I don't want to know too much. I've met a few of her guys, I've heard rumours from the old school we both used to attend (but then again, she's heard rumours that were false about me, so I put little weight into that). Whatever she does, she has her fun but doesn't get 'too' caught up, because as with my cousin, my sister has never brought a man home, but the big difference is that my sister likely has a lot more 'experience' than my cousin. Ewe.
My ride or die, G__, was of course in my bridal party. By some strange twist of fate, we share similar stories, it's just that I've fucked around a lot more than she has. She was engaged (to her high school sweetheart), cheated on him with his cousin, got completely swept up (as I have with DL), but, she was able to cut the lover and the fiance loose. Granted, the wedding was called off for other reasons, mostly due to his drinking problem, but by the time the fiance had a chance to redeem himself, another man came into the picture, was perfect for G__, and they are getting married next year. Between all that drama there were a few guys, but she simply didn't have the opportunity for many, as ex-fiance was with her since she was fourteen. But during their 'off-again' times and after the engagement broke, with a little encouragement from yours truly, she, uhm, sampled the buffet table for a little while ;-)
I've already spent a few posts on my maid of honour, A__, so you know a bit about her already. What isn't included there is the times A__ and I used to party, her like my other cousin, making out with all the guys, getting all the numbers she could. She's aggressive, she knows what she wants, and I'm guessing she's had more partners than myself and definitely more than C__. The thing is, psychologically, she's innocent. Of all the girls, I would say, though she has the physical experience, she knows the least of how to handle a man.
While most will say I am the corrupter, the demon voice whispering into their ears, I've met my match with in C__. She was one (there were a couple, ie, my 'other' best friend, lol) who all the boys in the school went gaga over. I've done my part to bring her onto the scene, given her a taste for liquor, and was generally the more wild of the two, she was the one who taught me how to dress, how to play with makeup, and importantly, how to handle the boys. She was the master. It's funny, in high school, both our boyfriends cheated on us with the exact same girl. I'll never forget it. And we accepted that these things happened (not easily, it took many tears). But we became something fierce! We would always ride together - if one was going to meet some guys picking her up, the other would jump right in. We never let them get under our skin. Even when we had boyfriends, there was a certain amount of 'fun' you could have without him and get away with it. She knew how to make a man beg. And though I only lost the reigns once with that bastard X, never has a man pegged me. We had good times, me and her. But she used to fuck with their heads, and they would do anything for her. SH, was on the scene since we were sixteen. He stuck around AND insisted they have a daughter (SR). To this day, C__ is not faithful. I know there's someone there for her in the old country (she travels back once a year), and he's waiting for her.
In the old days, she's seen DL and I get in and out of cars. She knows we've made out. She's seen the permagrin the mention of his name used to put on my face. She knows I wanted to hook up with him all those years ago. And she knows I've fucked him. She doesn't want to hear about it, of course, because it's gross, to hear her best friend and her brother in law. She's always warned me about his ruthless nature and and his unfaithfulness. C__ thinks I'm soft, but she's been out of the game for so long; I think it's the other way around. I once asked how she expects me to forget about DL (when she told me I should stop), and she said, 'eat candy. That's what I do.' That's no blasted answer! Candy!?! Really? I can barely stand that crap. She judged me. She loves me, so she told me as much, and that I should be faithful, that it's damning to violate the promise to God. But in my mind, you can have a child out of wedlock, refuse to marry the father, and though I'm not Catholic, I know that is equally damning! And hypocritical! You can't justify cheating because there is no ring - you're still violating a commitment. I've always been there to support her through all things she's done, right or wrong, I would go to bat for her even if she held the bloody knife in her hand.
Granted, I'm with her (common law) brother in law. I'm dipping into her family, so I see her discomfort, I'll give her that. That could cause many complications for her, especially with her mother in law (who is a complicated and protective mother to those boys). I would never want to put C__ in that spot. Mother in laws are hard enough as it is. Her and SH should have just let DL and I do whatever we wanted all those years back - fuck our brains out and get it out of our systems - we were both too doggish to have wanted a 'relationship' (ha!) in our haydays. Sigh....
Of all my other girls, my sister in law and my cousin know unrequited love exists for me, but cannot compare to the sweet attentiveness H provides. My sister can see that H and I don't have the peachiest marriage, but that we're trying. A__ knows DL and I still talk and meet now and again, but that the physical element is nixed. C__ knows the whole backstory but doesn't want to hear of the 'now' story - so for her, him and I talk once in a while about SR, and that's it. G__ - she knows as much as anyone in my life is going to know - everything except for the details of what happened in that hotel room. She knows it all.
All of them bold, none of them married, all ready to judge my choices in life.
But I wonder, after each of them marries, will the tune change? Will I be getting the phonecall asking me to stay dark for the night, because 'He thinks I'm with you.'?
I would do it in a heartbeat. They're my girls.
I thought they would all feel the same for me. They would in most cases. They are direct, no bullshit, strong willed, aggressive women. None of them hide behind men. My entire bridal party was smokin, looks and attitude, drank the groomsmen under the table, and they really looked after the bride, making sure my look was on point and the shots kept coming to the head table.
Of these girls, my sister in law is the most innocent, which is still pretty wild in some circles. She knows how to catch a man's head, has done it, and she knows how to put her foot down when they get unruly. As she is (soon to be) married to H's brother, the most we've shared is that, yes, there are men who have tried to take us away from the 'brothers', but, without success. But that lines opens so many dark corridors if we admit to more, so we keep the information at that. But we know where those stories 'could' lead, don't we?
The next in line is my paternal cousin. Again, slender, gorgeous, and affably dubbed 'the rideout whore', from the one club night where she was making out with a different guy every time we saw her. She's sucked face and thrown panties with tons of guys (some of them quite hot, I admit), but can you believe, she's only ever had one boyfriend, and he's the only guy she's ever slept with.
I know little about my sister's love life, and frankly, I don't want to know too much. I've met a few of her guys, I've heard rumours from the old school we both used to attend (but then again, she's heard rumours that were false about me, so I put little weight into that). Whatever she does, she has her fun but doesn't get 'too' caught up, because as with my cousin, my sister has never brought a man home, but the big difference is that my sister likely has a lot more 'experience' than my cousin. Ewe.
My ride or die, G__, was of course in my bridal party. By some strange twist of fate, we share similar stories, it's just that I've fucked around a lot more than she has. She was engaged (to her high school sweetheart), cheated on him with his cousin, got completely swept up (as I have with DL), but, she was able to cut the lover and the fiance loose. Granted, the wedding was called off for other reasons, mostly due to his drinking problem, but by the time the fiance had a chance to redeem himself, another man came into the picture, was perfect for G__, and they are getting married next year. Between all that drama there were a few guys, but she simply didn't have the opportunity for many, as ex-fiance was with her since she was fourteen. But during their 'off-again' times and after the engagement broke, with a little encouragement from yours truly, she, uhm, sampled the buffet table for a little while ;-)
I've already spent a few posts on my maid of honour, A__, so you know a bit about her already. What isn't included there is the times A__ and I used to party, her like my other cousin, making out with all the guys, getting all the numbers she could. She's aggressive, she knows what she wants, and I'm guessing she's had more partners than myself and definitely more than C__. The thing is, psychologically, she's innocent. Of all the girls, I would say, though she has the physical experience, she knows the least of how to handle a man.
While most will say I am the corrupter, the demon voice whispering into their ears, I've met my match with in C__. She was one (there were a couple, ie, my 'other' best friend, lol) who all the boys in the school went gaga over. I've done my part to bring her onto the scene, given her a taste for liquor, and was generally the more wild of the two, she was the one who taught me how to dress, how to play with makeup, and importantly, how to handle the boys. She was the master. It's funny, in high school, both our boyfriends cheated on us with the exact same girl. I'll never forget it. And we accepted that these things happened (not easily, it took many tears). But we became something fierce! We would always ride together - if one was going to meet some guys picking her up, the other would jump right in. We never let them get under our skin. Even when we had boyfriends, there was a certain amount of 'fun' you could have without him and get away with it. She knew how to make a man beg. And though I only lost the reigns once with that bastard X, never has a man pegged me. We had good times, me and her. But she used to fuck with their heads, and they would do anything for her. SH, was on the scene since we were sixteen. He stuck around AND insisted they have a daughter (SR). To this day, C__ is not faithful. I know there's someone there for her in the old country (she travels back once a year), and he's waiting for her.
In the old days, she's seen DL and I get in and out of cars. She knows we've made out. She's seen the permagrin the mention of his name used to put on my face. She knows I wanted to hook up with him all those years ago. And she knows I've fucked him. She doesn't want to hear about it, of course, because it's gross, to hear her best friend and her brother in law. She's always warned me about his ruthless nature and and his unfaithfulness. C__ thinks I'm soft, but she's been out of the game for so long; I think it's the other way around. I once asked how she expects me to forget about DL (when she told me I should stop), and she said, 'eat candy. That's what I do.' That's no blasted answer! Candy!?! Really? I can barely stand that crap. She judged me. She loves me, so she told me as much, and that I should be faithful, that it's damning to violate the promise to God. But in my mind, you can have a child out of wedlock, refuse to marry the father, and though I'm not Catholic, I know that is equally damning! And hypocritical! You can't justify cheating because there is no ring - you're still violating a commitment. I've always been there to support her through all things she's done, right or wrong, I would go to bat for her even if she held the bloody knife in her hand.
Granted, I'm with her (common law) brother in law. I'm dipping into her family, so I see her discomfort, I'll give her that. That could cause many complications for her, especially with her mother in law (who is a complicated and protective mother to those boys). I would never want to put C__ in that spot. Mother in laws are hard enough as it is. Her and SH should have just let DL and I do whatever we wanted all those years back - fuck our brains out and get it out of our systems - we were both too doggish to have wanted a 'relationship' (ha!) in our haydays. Sigh....
Of all my other girls, my sister in law and my cousin know unrequited love exists for me, but cannot compare to the sweet attentiveness H provides. My sister can see that H and I don't have the peachiest marriage, but that we're trying. A__ knows DL and I still talk and meet now and again, but that the physical element is nixed. C__ knows the whole backstory but doesn't want to hear of the 'now' story - so for her, him and I talk once in a while about SR, and that's it. G__ - she knows as much as anyone in my life is going to know - everything except for the details of what happened in that hotel room. She knows it all.
All of them bold, none of them married, all ready to judge my choices in life.
But I wonder, after each of them marries, will the tune change? Will I be getting the phonecall asking me to stay dark for the night, because 'He thinks I'm with you.'?
I would do it in a heartbeat. They're my girls.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Caught - The Reality
I was so excited for the group post 'caught!' that I wrote it the very night I left the hotel. The following day, G__ tried desperately to contact me - it was important. My heart sank into my gut. I got the gist of what was coming. It was a line straight out of the post I just wrote. Literally.
Her cousin called her. How strange, her cousin told her, that she saw Topaz all the way on the other side of town. She saw Topaz leaving a hotel. She saw Topaz leaving a hotel on Monday night. She saw Topaz leaving a hotel on Monday night with SH's brother.
'I didn't know they knew each other!' she exclaimed.
The facts on 'cousin':
So she called G__. Of all the blessings in the world, the one random person who saw us on a random night at a random hotel was the cousin of the only friend I confided my true location to. What are the freakin odds? As one of you has told me (indirectly), I have a horseshoe placed strategically up my ass, because the likelihood of getting caught 'without' consequence boils down to this exact scenario.
Yes, I was caught. As I write this, my hands are shaking and my nerves are on high. H's cousins live much closer to the hotel - it could have been them. It could have been anyone. But it wasn't. G__ will play it off (Topaz dropped something off, so he left his chick upstairs for a moment) if she remembers that I'm 'not' single, but G__'s cousins are mad cool - a little scandal is commonplace for them, and appreciating discretion, not being the vindictive sort, I've taken solace in their silence. I have to, or I'll go nuts.
Now that I'm more or less safe, what does bother me about getting caught is this: respect for H from my people is paramount - and for this, my discretion is key. G__ and TS are my only real world confidants, Ultimately, H is my man and I want to give no reason for anybody to question the strength of our marriage. Most people love him as it is, but I don't want anyone to look upon him with pity. I don't want anyone to be able to say 'his wife cheats on him'. He doesn't deserve pity - because he has my love, he deserves love and respect (from my peeps). If it becomes rumored that 'Topaz is fuckin around' - he suffers the pity treatment. And I've been there. I don't want anyone to treat him like that.
DL and I play phone tag over the next couple days, and when we finally get each other on the phone, I tell him "we were made." It takes a minute for it to register. He can't believe it. I tell him she knows both of us, and how lucky we are that it came to me through G__ ; I assured him of the low risk. But sensibly, he says, "we're not doing that shit again..." meaning the hotel. Helps my cause (trying to become physically faithful), don't it? It's like I'm being given a warning, a chance to redeem, a slap on the wrist, and now, go forth and do what you set out to do. I would be an ass not to learn from this experience.
I guess I thought he would get the hell outa Dodge, but once I explained, it didn't seem to affect him. I guess it was partially my calm as I spoke, but there was more. He didn't want to wash his hands of me like I thought he might (remember, he stands to suffer if we are discovered as well), and he didn't seem overly attentive either. Everything seems... well... just as it is.
It's a good thing we're never lovey dovey holding hands and kissy when leaving a hotel. We always worry about this exact situation, and it paid off. Between the two of us, we know far too many people. I have been given a chance - to go through the motions so I can do right - to learn and experience the gut twisting panic. A chance so I don't fuck it up in the future. An angel can only stumble so many times before it falls...
Her cousin called her. How strange, her cousin told her, that she saw Topaz all the way on the other side of town. She saw Topaz leaving a hotel. She saw Topaz leaving a hotel on Monday night. She saw Topaz leaving a hotel on Monday night with SH's brother.
'I didn't know they knew each other!' she exclaimed.
The facts on 'cousin':
- she and I know each other (party, hanging out) through G__
- she knows DL through his brother, SH and from the boys who grew up in her area
- she has no context of our social circles - there is no clear link for her between DL and myself
- short memory span (no joke, she forgets I'm married, apparently)
So she called G__. Of all the blessings in the world, the one random person who saw us on a random night at a random hotel was the cousin of the only friend I confided my true location to. What are the freakin odds? As one of you has told me (indirectly), I have a horseshoe placed strategically up my ass, because the likelihood of getting caught 'without' consequence boils down to this exact scenario.
Yes, I was caught. As I write this, my hands are shaking and my nerves are on high. H's cousins live much closer to the hotel - it could have been them. It could have been anyone. But it wasn't. G__ will play it off (Topaz dropped something off, so he left his chick upstairs for a moment) if she remembers that I'm 'not' single, but G__'s cousins are mad cool - a little scandal is commonplace for them, and appreciating discretion, not being the vindictive sort, I've taken solace in their silence. I have to, or I'll go nuts.
Now that I'm more or less safe, what does bother me about getting caught is this: respect for H from my people is paramount - and for this, my discretion is key. G__ and TS are my only real world confidants, Ultimately, H is my man and I want to give no reason for anybody to question the strength of our marriage. Most people love him as it is, but I don't want anyone to look upon him with pity. I don't want anyone to be able to say 'his wife cheats on him'. He doesn't deserve pity - because he has my love, he deserves love and respect (from my peeps). If it becomes rumored that 'Topaz is fuckin around' - he suffers the pity treatment. And I've been there. I don't want anyone to treat him like that.
DL and I play phone tag over the next couple days, and when we finally get each other on the phone, I tell him "we were made." It takes a minute for it to register. He can't believe it. I tell him she knows both of us, and how lucky we are that it came to me through G__ ; I assured him of the low risk. But sensibly, he says, "we're not doing that shit again..." meaning the hotel. Helps my cause (trying to become physically faithful), don't it? It's like I'm being given a warning, a chance to redeem, a slap on the wrist, and now, go forth and do what you set out to do. I would be an ass not to learn from this experience.
I guess I thought he would get the hell outa Dodge, but once I explained, it didn't seem to affect him. I guess it was partially my calm as I spoke, but there was more. He didn't want to wash his hands of me like I thought he might (remember, he stands to suffer if we are discovered as well), and he didn't seem overly attentive either. Everything seems... well... just as it is.
It's a good thing we're never lovey dovey holding hands and kissy when leaving a hotel. We always worry about this exact situation, and it paid off. Between the two of us, we know far too many people. I have been given a chance - to go through the motions so I can do right - to learn and experience the gut twisting panic. A chance so I don't fuck it up in the future. An angel can only stumble so many times before it falls...
Friday, October 16, 2009
Caught - The Drama
Back for the group post now, are we? Well you can thank Kimberly for organizing (hats off, my dear), and thanks also to Veronica, for suggesting the theme.
_________________________________________________
We lavish ourselves in Act One over and over again. We turn back the pages, relive each embrace, each scream, each streak of the tongue along various limbs, against sensitive organs, each thrust, we relive, we want nothing more than act one to play on repeat, but that is not meant to be it, is it? The play must go on, and Act One, delicious, adulterous Act One, must give way to Act Two.
There are times where I wonder about what it would be like. Times where I wonder exactly how deep the cracks would extend and how often they would multiply. Will it cause chunks to crumble down to the foundations? Will it, like brittle glass, visibly shatter, instantaneously, while maintaining its shape? Or would it chip, as with china, able to repair, but with the reminder of lasting scars?
I’ve jumped across the room mid coitus because I thought I’ve seen shadows just outside the door. While my cheek was pressed against the carpet, I glanced at the threshold just to see if the foot falls in the corridor stopped at our place. I’ve peaked down through hotel curtains to see if anyone was waiting for me to haplessly return to my car. I’ve imagined startling from my sleep by the knock to the door of those very same rooms. The phone I haven't turned off that captures the soundtrack of orgasm. Someone recognizing me on the casino floor where I played ‘wife’ for the night – someone snapping my picture on their cell phone and forwarding it to prove I wasn’t ‘with the girls’ for the weekend, running into an uncle, cousin, friend, in laws, in any of the many hotel lobbies. You name it, my paranoid mind has considered it.
We all have, haven’t we? We, the ‘infidels’ – we’ve all played out some scenario. But it stops there, doesn’t it? We don’t want to think of the Second Act of this drama unfolding. It is far more ugly than the cringing moment in which we hear the bloodcurdling scream offstage as the sentence calls for a pint of blood.
It will pulverize my heart when I see his heart crush through the window of his eyes. To see his faith – after years of nurture, care, pruning, shelter and love – snap, in his shock of seeing another man incite the most carnal aspects in those beloved arms which had provided him with so much comfort. That betrayal, that lie, that unforgivable lie, not the lie of the body, but the lie of truth, will lace through the threads of your lives.
Where the Act Two focuses on the depth of the daggers wound, the Third Act considers its breadth. What do you stand to loose? Consider that which lies beyond that sacrosanct covenant you violated? Every relationships you've cultured through him; his parents, his cousins, his aunts and his uncles have all come undone. You are marred. You are evil. You have hurt one of their own, and for this, even if he is willing to forgive you, they will not. His friends, who have taken you in, would defend you and look out for you, would loathe you, despise you, and shun you, even if he were to forgive you. Your own family, though they would always love you, would look upon you with disappointment. Your friends, who would always defend you, would pity you and wonder at this secret you’ve kept, and wonder at this person who they thought they knew. Children? Ah, the hard part, children. They would be confused and hurt, not understanding why you aren’t the part of their lives that you once were. And the sad part is, each one of them has every right to feel this way.
And what of your last refuge? Your lover? In this Fourth Act, we learn the drama is in fact a tragedy. To be with him would be to ruin him. His life should not suffer because yours does. Your husband would not blame him, though he might pummel him, he would not pursue the naive beyond the second act because it was not your lover who betrayed him, was it? It was you. You betrayed him – so your lover is just one of many men who have lusted after his wife, and he just happened to be the lucky bastard who managed to find the spell to her submission, so your husband believes. The lover is best banished from his mind and from your life, so says the cuckold. That is your punishment. But you yearn for the forbidden, don’t you? You seek him out and appeal to his love and his heart, which has had to become rough and jagged to the touch. Contact with you is more deadly than any poison poured into the ear. You bring nothing but ruin, and this one chance, to continue life unscathed, and your chance to redeem your marriage, these are effects he know are best for him and best for you. As with any good drama, the feminine passion has been overruled by masculine reason. Your supplications fail with this newly converted creature, so his tongue translates incorrectly from his heart, and no longer will you have his loving caresses that drew you to straddle him in carnal frenzy. Succumbing to the natural desire and fall into each others arms will only find you both ostracized. Your honour, he says, is far more important. Our families, he says, are our everything. Learn to unlove me.
Act Four is the last we see of the lover. His love doesn’t change. Your love doesn’t change. But you learn, don’t you? Act Five is all about the learning. When he does not call, not even on the important occasions, like your birthday, your shell hardens. You learn to unlove him. And your husband, he’s learning too. He’s learning to love you all over again. He’s trying to love you all over again. And though act three threatened to divulge all the sordid secrets of your tawdry dalliances, he wills himself to believe your betrayal was fueled by nothing more than the physical drive, and he keeps his peace. He says nothing to your families and your friends. He’s given both you and your lover the chance to continue life apart. Act Five begins with all things stripped away, and rebuilding from the ground up. He’s given you the chance to repair the cracked and shattered marriage one fragment at a time. And you want to make sure no seems are visible once the fix is complete. You work with the foundation of faith he has given you. You do not divulge more than he asks of you, and he will not ask of the emotional bond you shared with your lover. He will not ask you how long you’ve been intimate with this other man. He will not ask why. He only asks you be faithful in the future, because he knows you love him. So while Act Five is a rebirth, it is a flawed rebirth based in ill-conceived foundations.
The Epilogue? There is none. Although, there is that one time, where you and your one time lover will be in the same place, he, with his wife, you with your husband, and for the briefest of moments your eyes will meet, and in that glance, you will both have relived every passionate embrace you once basked in the glory of, and you will both know that those moments, regardless of your separate lives, will always be with you both. You were lucky to have them. And lucky to not have them destroy you. Even though you were caught.
Now this was the art.
Return in a couple of days to learn of how I was caught in real life this past week.
Catch these naughty bloggers in the act:
Kimberly
Gray
Bri
Ms Scarlett
Duchess
Petal
Autumn
Britni
Veronica
Hubman
Ronjazz
Barefoot Dreamer
Lolita Vida
Amy
Mr B
Adulterous Letch
_________________________________________________
We lavish ourselves in Act One over and over again. We turn back the pages, relive each embrace, each scream, each streak of the tongue along various limbs, against sensitive organs, each thrust, we relive, we want nothing more than act one to play on repeat, but that is not meant to be it, is it? The play must go on, and Act One, delicious, adulterous Act One, must give way to Act Two.
There are times where I wonder about what it would be like. Times where I wonder exactly how deep the cracks would extend and how often they would multiply. Will it cause chunks to crumble down to the foundations? Will it, like brittle glass, visibly shatter, instantaneously, while maintaining its shape? Or would it chip, as with china, able to repair, but with the reminder of lasting scars?
I’ve jumped across the room mid coitus because I thought I’ve seen shadows just outside the door. While my cheek was pressed against the carpet, I glanced at the threshold just to see if the foot falls in the corridor stopped at our place. I’ve peaked down through hotel curtains to see if anyone was waiting for me to haplessly return to my car. I’ve imagined startling from my sleep by the knock to the door of those very same rooms. The phone I haven't turned off that captures the soundtrack of orgasm. Someone recognizing me on the casino floor where I played ‘wife’ for the night – someone snapping my picture on their cell phone and forwarding it to prove I wasn’t ‘with the girls’ for the weekend, running into an uncle, cousin, friend, in laws, in any of the many hotel lobbies. You name it, my paranoid mind has considered it.
We all have, haven’t we? We, the ‘infidels’ – we’ve all played out some scenario. But it stops there, doesn’t it? We don’t want to think of the Second Act of this drama unfolding. It is far more ugly than the cringing moment in which we hear the bloodcurdling scream offstage as the sentence calls for a pint of blood.
It will pulverize my heart when I see his heart crush through the window of his eyes. To see his faith – after years of nurture, care, pruning, shelter and love – snap, in his shock of seeing another man incite the most carnal aspects in those beloved arms which had provided him with so much comfort. That betrayal, that lie, that unforgivable lie, not the lie of the body, but the lie of truth, will lace through the threads of your lives.
Where the Act Two focuses on the depth of the daggers wound, the Third Act considers its breadth. What do you stand to loose? Consider that which lies beyond that sacrosanct covenant you violated? Every relationships you've cultured through him; his parents, his cousins, his aunts and his uncles have all come undone. You are marred. You are evil. You have hurt one of their own, and for this, even if he is willing to forgive you, they will not. His friends, who have taken you in, would defend you and look out for you, would loathe you, despise you, and shun you, even if he were to forgive you. Your own family, though they would always love you, would look upon you with disappointment. Your friends, who would always defend you, would pity you and wonder at this secret you’ve kept, and wonder at this person who they thought they knew. Children? Ah, the hard part, children. They would be confused and hurt, not understanding why you aren’t the part of their lives that you once were. And the sad part is, each one of them has every right to feel this way.
And what of your last refuge? Your lover? In this Fourth Act, we learn the drama is in fact a tragedy. To be with him would be to ruin him. His life should not suffer because yours does. Your husband would not blame him, though he might pummel him, he would not pursue the naive beyond the second act because it was not your lover who betrayed him, was it? It was you. You betrayed him – so your lover is just one of many men who have lusted after his wife, and he just happened to be the lucky bastard who managed to find the spell to her submission, so your husband believes. The lover is best banished from his mind and from your life, so says the cuckold. That is your punishment. But you yearn for the forbidden, don’t you? You seek him out and appeal to his love and his heart, which has had to become rough and jagged to the touch. Contact with you is more deadly than any poison poured into the ear. You bring nothing but ruin, and this one chance, to continue life unscathed, and your chance to redeem your marriage, these are effects he know are best for him and best for you. As with any good drama, the feminine passion has been overruled by masculine reason. Your supplications fail with this newly converted creature, so his tongue translates incorrectly from his heart, and no longer will you have his loving caresses that drew you to straddle him in carnal frenzy. Succumbing to the natural desire and fall into each others arms will only find you both ostracized. Your honour, he says, is far more important. Our families, he says, are our everything. Learn to unlove me.
Act Four is the last we see of the lover. His love doesn’t change. Your love doesn’t change. But you learn, don’t you? Act Five is all about the learning. When he does not call, not even on the important occasions, like your birthday, your shell hardens. You learn to unlove him. And your husband, he’s learning too. He’s learning to love you all over again. He’s trying to love you all over again. And though act three threatened to divulge all the sordid secrets of your tawdry dalliances, he wills himself to believe your betrayal was fueled by nothing more than the physical drive, and he keeps his peace. He says nothing to your families and your friends. He’s given both you and your lover the chance to continue life apart. Act Five begins with all things stripped away, and rebuilding from the ground up. He’s given you the chance to repair the cracked and shattered marriage one fragment at a time. And you want to make sure no seems are visible once the fix is complete. You work with the foundation of faith he has given you. You do not divulge more than he asks of you, and he will not ask of the emotional bond you shared with your lover. He will not ask you how long you’ve been intimate with this other man. He will not ask why. He only asks you be faithful in the future, because he knows you love him. So while Act Five is a rebirth, it is a flawed rebirth based in ill-conceived foundations.
The Epilogue? There is none. Although, there is that one time, where you and your one time lover will be in the same place, he, with his wife, you with your husband, and for the briefest of moments your eyes will meet, and in that glance, you will both have relived every passionate embrace you once basked in the glory of, and you will both know that those moments, regardless of your separate lives, will always be with you both. You were lucky to have them. And lucky to not have them destroy you. Even though you were caught.
Now this was the art.
Return in a couple of days to learn of how I was caught in real life this past week.
Catch these naughty bloggers in the act:
Kimberly
Gray
Bri
Ms Scarlett
Duchess
Petal
Autumn
Britni
Veronica
Hubman
Ronjazz
Barefoot Dreamer
Lolita Vida
Amy
Mr B
Adulterous Letch
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